This is a tumblelog, kinda like a blog but with short-form, mixed-media posts with stuff I like. Scroll down a bit to start reading, or a bit more to read more about me.
(taken from callejuanextension)
Anonymous asked: Hello sister >:)
Hello.
miahshore asked: I do miss your writing, I hope that you can find words to share some day. (This was not a question, I hope that's ok with you)
That’s quite alright.
I’m not sure if I’ll be writing anytime soon or if I’ll ever write anything to share again. Maybe one day… When I’m not ashamed of my thoughts and my feelings. When I can appreciate what I’ve written and not be compelled to edit it. Maybe one day.
I hope you continue to write - for no other purpose than for your own pleasure. I enjoy your work.
fuckthaapopo asked: Why did you forget my napkin??
I have no idea what you’re talking about. But, I suppose I’ll bring you a napkin.
I guess…
I’ve been going down
Down into the river baby
Listen to the sound
It’s something only God knows
You figure it out, I can’t stay
Water’s in the clouds
Is my life about to change?
Who knows, Who cares?
So we took a van
Down to Colorado
Where we ran into the dead
I took you by the hand
Know…
That even with your doubts, it’s okay
Take into account that it’s not about to change
Who knows, who cares?
You could let it down
Jump into the river baby
Easy as it sounds
It’s never quite as easily done
The current has us now, it’s okay
Take into account that it’s all about to change
Who knows, Who cares?
No one’s been there
But I don’t care
I know…
All have been there
I don’t care
I know…
HELL YEAH.
This is all I want. I need something to play with when I get too jittery.
Mine broke - I’m sad as fuck.
joywanders asked: I miss you. I feel like we've lost touch. Can we hang out over break?
I miss you as well - quite a bit actually. It’s been a long time since we’ve hung out, let alone spoken to one another. Hopefully, once your semester ends (because I just finished mine) we can get to this hanging out business. I think many ‘ladies-nights’ are in order as well as a trip up to San Francisco.
I miss your sexy ass. :D
What do you do:
when you have to be the one to wipe away the tears?
when you have to cradle her in your arms and support her weight because she can’t seem to do it on her own?
when you have to be the one to hold her chin up and tell her that she never failed you nor did she fail your siblings?
when you have to be the one to tell her that she isn’t doing anything wrong - that the choices she’s made were the best ones; the only ones?
when you aren’t capable of sending her home to her family to see her dieing sister for the last time?
when it seems that her zest and aspirations for a better life for her and her children have been diminished and replaced with worry and sadness?
With each tear that falls a piece of your heart falls with it.
What do you say:
when he asks if he’s being selfish for wanting to pursue his own happiness?
when he’s looking straight into your eyes, looking for more than understanding - he’s looking for forgiveness?
when you can see from his demeanor that he’s afraid that you will forsake him for wanting to do this?
when every amount of support and reassurance you give isn’t enough to ease his pain?
when his heart and his mind are slowing falling out of his grasp - as well as your family’s - and into the hands of his homeland?
when you see in his eyes all the suffering he’s been through and you know that there is nothing you can do or say to relieve him of it?
With every crack that forms in his heart one follows suit in yours.
_____
I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know that feeling?
And I remember thinking to myself this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts and of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning.
It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Mr. Gennuso: “socks and sandals what are you german”
Ha! Makes me smile every time I read it.
Friend 1:
I want to hug you…
… then slap you…
… then hug you once more.
Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again - you fucking idiot. Fuck.
____________
Friend 2:
“Waiting… Until the end of time, if I need to.”
It’s a funny story - how I stumbled upon this. You sent it to me quite some time ago. If you remember I’ll tell you how I found it. Hahaha.
____________
Friend 3:
It’s ridiculous that I’ve found myself reading everything you’ve written. Hanging on every word. Curious… I’m intrigued.
You fascinate me - I don’t understand why I’m so drawn to you.
____________
Friend 4:
“I’ll be alright.”
Your famous catch phrase. I know you will be but that won’t stop me from offering my help to you - especially now. You’re experiencing another loss. I hope you know that I’m still your friend and I’ll always be here. Like I told you, “that’s what friends are for”.
____________
Friend 5:
I’m confused about you.
Yes, just friends… right?
You kissed me though. It’s been a long while now.
Yes, definitely confused.
Great song. Interesting video. Wonderful band.
blackhole asked: lau bau... as in laura?! hiiii! how you doin'?
HELL YEAH!
I’m doing good girl, how about you chika?
We should chill sometime soon, yeah?
I held her in my arms while she continued to cry hysterically. I played with her hair and tried to soothe her with my words. She shook and I grounded her.
I was just talking to her Ateh… I was just talking to her…
The pain she felt emanated from her body. The convulsions grew exponentially as her grip on reality slowly started to fade. I wiped the river of tears from her face - but to no avail. When her overflowing eyes met mine I could see that her heart had once again been broken. She sunk her face into the comfort of my chest.
This can’t be real. This can’t happen again.
I looked to the other end of the bed and I could see the look in my youngest sister’s face. One I knew too well. She undestood that there was nothing she could do or say that could possibly ease her sister’s pain - so she hid hers. Stowed her emotions into the smallest crevice in her heart and locked it away. Eyes vacant; her hand mechanically rubbing my other sister’s back. She wasn’t there. Not now.
muffled whimpers…
I heard the garage creak and I gently laid my sister down on the bed. I needed to speak to my mother - for her sake as well as mine. I approached her and immediately sensed a difference in her demeanor. Her face seemed worn, drained.
‘How’s she doing?’
She won’t stop crying. I’ve been tring to comfort her but I know…
‘I know.. Thank you for looking out for her.’
Of course, but she’s your daughter and she needs you to comfort her. You and Dad. She just lost her friend…
‘I know but I can’t. I only have four hours to sleep until another eighteen hour shift and I might have to stay longer if they ask me to.’
I know…
‘I want to be there. To hold her and tell her it’s okay…’
It’s alright Mom, we all understand. It’s just an extremely unfortunate situation…
We locked eyes. I knew she was trying to look for some sort of reassurance. That she wasn’t a bad mother. That her not being able to comfort her daughter was -in some way- reasonable. And, it was. She saw what she was looking for and turned away; afraid to have found anything else. I hugged her. What she did wasn’t wrong.
I’m sorry…
I returned to my sisters. The air was the same as before - heavy. I walked over to my youngest sister and called her name. I needed to bring her out of the vacant stupor she put herself in. She shook her head and stared at me for a while - then recognition swept across her face. ‘Hey Ateh…’ I slowly guided her to her room and tucked her into bed. We talked for a bit about what happened until finally sleep found her. Her soft breath and the slow whirring of the fan were the only noises to break the soft silence.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams.
I made my way back to my sister. Her body still convulsing from the tears she was desparately trying to hold back. I sat down beside her and pulled her into my arms. I whispered sweet comfort into her ears. And then her grasp on my arms and my body grew tighter - An explosion of pain left her mouth as she finally hit her threshold. She could not fight the tears nor the pain that she felt within.
Don’t leave Ateh… People always leave me… I’m so scared that you guys will be taken away from me just like everyone else…
Her hysterical crying eventually subsided. Her erratic breathing slowly returned to soft inhalations. Her swollen out-cried eyes finally fell softly. She was asleep in my arms.
I’ll never leave you. I’ll always be here to care for you. For all of you.
This picture continues to resonate within my mind. It perfectly encapsulates the beauty of my ethnic background. I hope you embrace yours as well. As I continue to age my hunger for cultural knowledge continues to expand. The Philippines is a melting-pot of people, of lifestyles, and of cultures. As is with most places; but, this is the origin of my family and therefore will be the start of my cultural adventure. I am planning a trip out there some time next year and I am personally inviting you to join me. Also, check out this wonderful blog. You’ll get a taste of simple beauty.Magical Philippines
Manila BayWe must be the change we wish to see in the world.
